第二十一章：应征仆从陈亮撞鬼
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管家跟堂前站着的一位面似黑铁塔的老头禀告道：“员外老爷，又请俩道爷跟和尚。”
陈员外说：“快，换衣服，赶紧让他们进入角色。”
俩人COS完，改成一个老道跟一个和尚，坐在灵堂里面雷鸣陈亮就觉得浑身发冷。
正是七月流火的盛夏，怎么可能感觉冷呢？
心里兀自怪异着，也没敢说什么。
灵堂里乱轰轰的，掐尸的，入殓的都忙活呢！
陈家有钱，寿材是用金丝楠木做的！上三道大漆，左右挂金边，上面刻着福字，下面绣着花纹，这叫头顶福字，脚踩莲花。
供桌前面的法台上端坐着一位念经的老道，身穿黄色法衣，头戴乾坤帽，看着眼前的鸡鸭鱼肉直咽口水，嘴里的经文嘟嘟囔囔：“有个算命的说二十四岁那年会黄袍加身，餐餐都有大鱼大肉为伴，我信你个鬼！你个死老头子坏得狠，算得真他妈准！”
他一边念经有出家的弟子一边往地上撒米撒小馒头。
陈家有的是钱，老道念完了经，和尚念。
不会儿一位和尚高上法台，头戴毗卢冠，身批袈裟，念的是焰口施食开十六本经。
“道场成就，赈济将成。斋主虔诚，上香设拜。”
“坛下海众，俱扬圣号。苦海滔滔孽自召，迷人不醒半分毫，世人不把弥陀念，枉在世上走一遭……”和尚闭着眼睛，老僧入定般只有嘴在咂摸着：“近观山有色，细听水无声，春去花还在，人来鸟不惊。八月中秋雁南飞，一声吼叫一声悲，大雁倒有回来日，死去亡魂不回归。头一天来到……”
堂下的全跟着拍手！心说：请来的高僧真有本事啊！
“第三天来到忘呀么忘天涯呀，天崖，海哎角，小妹妹是线郎是针，郎啊咱们俩人一条心哪哎恩。我佛诶如来诶，吗弥吗弥轰诶哎呦。”
长话短说，连说代唱，念了一天的经。
老和尚一直闭着眼睛，很虔诚的样子。
陈员外感激，心说：高僧念的真是投入啊！眼睛一直不睁开。
“高僧，睁开法眼吧！真是有道高僧，您修行多少年了？”
老和尚说：“那可有年头了，反正从老衲瞎了的第二年开始就皈依我佛了。”
“晚上还有一次晚经，您也受累。”
“不行，不行。”老和尚连连摇头：“贫僧体力不支，不能再操劳了。”
“那道爷您来。”
“不，不……贫道肚子疼，走，徒弟们，咱们赶紧回家去上茅房。”
说着一溜烟儿的就跑了。
出了陈府有个道童问：“师父，您为什么不赚晚上那趟经的钱呢？”
老道说：“你看不出来吗？这户人家不干净。有些钱能赚，有些钱不能赚，别要钱不要命。”
“您是说他们家闹鬼，那你帮他把鬼除了不也能赚一笔钱吗？”
“你怎么就这么笨？”老道指着道童鼻子骂道：“他们家闹鬼，必然要害他们家的人。鬼害死一个人，他家就得出一次殡，我就能念一次经。我要是帮他们将鬼除了，未来挣谁的钱呐？这叫市场营销，你得明白客户的痛点并加以利用，反复折磨他，直至榨干他。”
陈府里，陈员外很意外，跟管家说：“怎么刚才这些人还兴致勃勃的，现在都走了？晚上的经谁念啊？”
管家说：“要不咱就别念了。”
“不念经倒是也行，但晚上也得留人守夜。”
管家为难说：“员外爷，我刚才也问这事儿了，下人们都不愿意。您没觉得咱家的灵堂有些怪异吗？”
陈员外点了点头。
现在正是三伏天，外面恨不能把人烤化，灵堂里冷的跟地窖似的，有些地方都结霜了。
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