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”我的天哪!”她这样叫了一声,可一时还没明白过来是怎么回事.接着她才猛地想起媚兰将要闭门坐月子的情景来,顿觉浑身一阵刀割般的痛楚,仿佛艾希礼是她自己的丈夫而做了对不起她的事似的.一个娃娃.艾希礼的娃娃.唔,你怎么能呢,既然爱的是她而不是媚兰
”我知道你是吃惊了,”媚兰喘着气咻咻地说:”可是你看,这不是非常好的事吗啊,我真不知道怎么给艾希礼写信才好呢!要是我明白告诉他,那可太难为情了,或者......或者我什么也不说,让他慢慢注意到,你知道......”
”啊,我的天!”思嘉差一点哭起来,手里的梳子掉到地上,她不得不抓住梳妆台的大理石顶部以防跌倒.
”你不要这样!亲爱的,你知道有个孩子并不坏呀!你自己也这样说过嘛.你不用替我担忧,虽然你的关心是很令人感动的.当然,米德大夫说过我是......”媚兰脸红了,”我是小了一点,可这并不怎么要紧,而且......思嘉,你当初发现自己怀上了韦德时,是怎么写信对查理说的呢难道是你母亲或者奥哈拉先生告诉他的哦,亲爱的,要是我也有母亲来办这件事,那才好呀!可我不知怎么办好......”
”你闭嘴吧!”思嘉恶狠狠地说,”闭嘴!”
”啊,我真傻!思嘉!我真对不起你,我看凡是快乐的人都会只顾自己呢.我忘记查理的事了,一时疏忽了.”
”你别说了!”思嘉再一次命令她,同时极力控制自己的脸色,把怒气压下去.可千万不能让媚兰看出或怀疑她有这种感情呀!
媚兰为人很敏感,她觉得自己不该惹思嘉伤心,因此十分内疚,急得又要哭了.她怎能让思嘉去回想查理去世后几个月才生下韦德的那些可怕的日子呢她怎么会粗心到这个地步,居然说出那样的话来呢
”亲爱的,让我给你脱衣裳,快睡觉吧,”媚兰低声下气地说.”我替你按摩按摩头颈好吗”
”别管我了,”思嘉说,脸孔像石板似的紧绷,这时媚兰越发觉得罪过,便真的哭着离开了房间,让思嘉独自一人躺在床上.思嘉可并没有哭,她只是满怀委屈.幻灭和妒忌.不知怎样发泄才好.
她想,既然媚兰肚子里怀着艾希礼的孩子,她就无法跟她在一起住下去了,她不如回到塔拉自己家里去,她不知怎样在媚兰面前隐藏自己内心的隐密.不让她看出来.到第二天早晨起床时,她已打定主意,准备吃过早点就即刻收拾行装.可是,当她们坐下吃早饭,思嘉一声不响,显得阴郁,皮蒂姑妈显得手足无措,媚兰很痛苦,她们彼此谁也不看谁,这时送来一封电报.
电报是艾希礼的侍从莫斯打给媚兰的.
”我已到处寻找,但没有找到他,我是否应该回家”
谁也不明白这是什么意思,三个女人惊恐地瞪着眼睛面面相觑,思嘉更是把回家的念头打消得一干二净.她们来不及吃完早点便赶进去给艾希礼的长官发电报,可是一进电报局就发现那位长官的电报已经到了.
”威尔克斯少校于三天次前执行侦察任务时失踪,深感遗憾.有何情况当随时奉告.”
从电报局回到家里,一路上真是可怕极了.皮蒂姑妈用手绢捂着鼻子哭个不停,媚兰脸色灰白,直挺挺地坐着,思嘉则靠在马车的一个角落里发呆,好像彻底垮了.一到家,思嘉便踉跄着爬上楼梯,走进自己的卧室,从桌上拿起念珠,即刻跪下来准备祈祷,可是她怎么也想不起祷词来.她好像掉进恐惧的深渊,觉得自己犯了罪,惹得上帝背过脸去,不再理睬她了.她爱上了一个已婚的男人,想把他从他妻子的怀中夺走,因此上帝要惩罚她,把他杀了,她要祈祷,可是抬不起头来仰望苍天.她要痛哭,可是流不出眼泪,泪水似乎灌满了她的胸膛,火辣辣的在那里燃烧,可是就是涌不出来.
门开了,媚兰走进房来,她那张脸孔很像白纸剪成的一颗心,后面衬着那丛乌黑的头发,眼睛瞪得很大,像个迷失的黑暗中吓坏的孩子.
”思嘉,”她边说边伸出两只手来,”请你务必饶恕我昨天说的那些话,因为你是......你是我现在所有的一切了,啊,思嘉,我知道我心爱的艾希礼已经死了!”
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