第六章 生而畏死,死不可畏
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徐佑心中苦笑，只听你的谈吐，哪里像是出身低贱的女子？不过安玉秀倒是个聪明人，顷刻之间就明白自己的用意，顺着假冒身份这个台阶爬了起来。看上去有点自欺欺人，但有些事，只能看破不点破，挂着这层窗户纸，大家相处起来没有避讳，彼此都留下三分余地。
“都是为了活命而已，我责骂你做什么，起来吧！在这个房间内，我能保证没人欺辱你，主人和奴婢的戏言，都是做给别人看的，当不得真。若出了房门，生死由人，各安天命，你自求多福，我也自求多福！”
徐佑走到旁边坐下，看着安玉秀慢慢站起来，倒了杯茶，喝在口中只有苦味，道：“我跟你说实话，现在这种局面连我也不知道还能够维持多久。刘彖喜怒无常，随时都可能翻脸，都明玉高深莫测，更是不知葫芦里卖的什么药。真到了危机关头，我一个废人，不仅救不了自己，也救不了任何人，希望你明白这一点。”
安玉秀犹豫了下，有个问题不问清楚，她实在不敢相信徐佑的任何话，道：“郎君又是如何保住了性命？我听闻义兴徐氏好像跟天师道也有化解不了的仇怨……”
“都明玉想逼我写讨伐朝廷的檄文，我以死推脱，才赢得了这片刻清净。”徐佑道：“但檄文也算不得要紧事，三吴什么都缺，就是不缺才子，都明玉得了扬州数郡，总会有些自诩怀才不遇的败类想要投敌去谋取富贵，人家写的檄文未必比我的逊色！”
安玉秀蕙质兰心，一点就透，秀眸里流出几分失望和黯然，道：“我懂了，怪不得郎君说只有片刻的清净……”
徐佑点点头，道：“反正人为刀殂我为鱼肉，多思无益，你也不用太过忧心。钱塘失陷旬日，若我所料不差，朝廷应该已经勒令扬州都督府出兵平乱，这里是隔断南北的要冲，也是府州兵和反贼正面交战的首选之地。如果朝廷胜了，我们或有逃生的希望，如果朝廷败了……”
安玉秀听的认真，脸上露出询问的神色，徐佑接着道：“朝廷败了，不过一死！”他扬了扬眉，反问道：“你怕死吗?”
“我……我不知道！”
安玉秀感到茫然，她生来就高高在上，不识人间疾苦，无论是皇宫内府还是贺氏门庭，她听的是旁人的夸赞和逢迎，吃的是百味珍馐，穿的是绫罗绸缎，仆役成群，出入乘车，生活算不得奢靡，可也幸福安乐，又何曾想过这个死字?
徐佑冷静的不同寻常，将残酷的现实血淋淋的撕裂在安玉秀眼前，语气却无比的轻描淡写，道：“生而畏死，人之常情。但，人终有一死，不过早晚不同罢了，真到了当死之日，也许就没那么怕了！”
安玉秀受不了他那副天塌下来也毫不在乎的神情，忍不住讥嘲道：“郎君又没死过，怎么会知道死时是什么样子呢？”
“我是死过的人了！”
徐佑眼观鼻、鼻观心，道：“义兴之变那一晚，我就该死了，如今活一日，都是老天爷赏的恩赐。所以，我不畏死！”
安玉秀默然半响，道：“我还做不到郎君这么坦然无畏……”
徐佑另取了杯子，斟满茶水，往案几的对面推了推，道：“只有不畏死，或许还有一丝生机！”
安玉秀走了过去，跪坐在蒲团上，端起茶杯，看着杯中摇曳的容颜，道：“我不懂！”
徐佑的鼻端传来淡淡的清香，不知什么牌子的水粉，至少钱塘谢蘅芜家的水粉没有这样隽永的味道。
“你现在不必懂！”
正在这时，一声炸雷，激荡的整个天际为之一晃，豆大的雨滴倾盆而下，徐佑和安玉秀同时望向窗外。
扬州，大旱一年，今日，终于下雨了！
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