剑之卷 第五十四章 血里有风
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静风堂于柳清雪而言并不陌生，她习武受伤后时常瞒着父母，没少来这静风堂。柳清雪走进静风堂，一路上看到的侍女、大夫看到她都不自觉地低下头，不与她对视。她也不在意，随意拉过一人问起柳衡的所在。柳清雪一向脸色冰冷，陡然拉过一人更是显得森气十足。那小丫鬟被吓得支支吾吾说了半天，柳清雪才听了个大概。她放开那小丫鬟，也不要人带路，自己一人去了。
柳衡昨日被柳岳雷救回时，昏迷不醒，今日清晨才醒转。此时柳清雪进门正看见给柳衡换药的小丫鬟出门，那丫鬟显然也有些害怕柳清雪，低着头急忙退开，让柳清雪进门。一时间房间内就只有柳衡与柳清雪二人。
柳衡胸口一道长长的伤口，从右肩直到左腹，此时已被包扎起来，令他丝毫不得动弹，只是仍有血迹透过层层绷带渗了出来，可见伤口不浅。柳衡看见柳清雪，沉郁的心情稍稍明媚了些，但又想到自己听几个大夫侍女传的闲话，也猜得到柳清雪的来意，顿时怅然若失，看着柳清雪心情复杂。
两人沉默了片刻之后，柳衡终于率先开口：“你母亲的事，我听说了……唉，可惜我没能赶回来，还累得老爷去救我，没见到你母亲最后一面，说来真是罪过大了。还……还害得你们父女……”轻轻叹了口气。他勉强地扭头望向窗外，目光失神，柳清雪站在他侧前方，刚好能看见他的表情，只是柳清雪从他眼中没看见多少愧疚的神色，他眼中更多的反而是痛苦与懊恼，与柳岳雷看向柳夫人尸身时的眼神如出一辙。
“此事与堂叔无关。都是，都是……”柳清雪说着，却不知这算是谁的错，一时说不下去，只能叹了口气，在一张凳子上坐下，俏丽的脸上黯然无光。
柳衡道：“你和你父亲这么大闹一场，着实厉害，连我躺在这里都听闻了个大概。听说那老家伙把自己关在融雪苑里发脾气。我已经很久没见他发这么大火了。”
柳清雪默默点头，心想柳衡也要责备自己了，虽然心情烦闷，却不便走开，何况柳衡对她还有授业之谊。她之前是盛怒之下失了控，但她平日里对长辈的言行还是谦恭有礼的。
没想到柳衡却丝毫没有责怪的意思。柳衡全身缠着绷带，不便移动，但他努力地转过头来，看着柳清雪，轻声道：“你父亲有没有告诉你，你和你母亲年轻时候很像。”然后他忽的一笑，“都是美人胚子。”
淡淡的微红瞧瞧地爬上柳清雪的脸颊，她低眼微嗔道：“堂叔你……你别作弄晚辈了。”柳衡收回目光，却满眼都是那个影子。他眼神放空，似是陷入了回忆之中。只听他口中呢喃：“可惜我也没能……”
他突然回过神来，注意到柳清雪脸上疑惑的神情，便止住话头，自顾自地摇了摇头，又问道：“你可有打算？要是你父亲再来找你，你打算如何？你会同意联姻之事么？”
“我不知道。”
“不知道就慢慢想。”柳衡一字一顿地说。
柳清雪微微低头，没有急着答话。其实她也在犹豫这件事。父亲已经很久没向她提起联姻这件事，母亲自也乐得不提，以致于她自己都有些淡忘了。乍听父亲一提起，便想起小时候父亲强迫自己上一些有的没的课程，想起他发现自己偷偷逃课习武后，硬生生用绳子把她捆起来带回了住处，当着一干外人的面喝骂自己。不算愉快的童年经历在当时涌上心头，再加上柳岳雷张口闭口的柳家，还提到了刚刚亡故的母亲，愤懑与委屈潮水般涌出，又像被什么东西滞涩住，瞬间填满心口，才让她一时失控。
但后来一想，柳岳雷的要求并不算过分。如他所言，这也确实会为柳家的发展提供极大的助力。除去对柳岳雷的不满，她对于联姻本身的抵触心理相比来说并不算强，而她对情爱之事并不关心，那所谓成纪王的儿子，倒似乎是个选择。
为了自己一时的痛快，不仅负了柳岳雷十多年心血，让柳家上下都受到牵连，是否值得？
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