第5章 决定
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眼见从一个孩子变成两个孩子，货车司机更加心急地使劲踩着刹车，因为惯性货车持续向前滑。
当下，他猛打方向盘，可惜还是没能躲过两个孩子，眼睁睁地看着他们腾飞而起。
好痛……
为什么飞起来的感觉，会这么痛……
“泡泡，我好痛！”
那微弱的声音，像一把一把尖刀刺痛了他的心脏。
不要，不要……
躺在床上的苏默风满脸痛苦地紧握双拳，浑身的汗却不及眼角的泪显眼。
“不要！”
他大喊一声，猛然睁开双眼，从梦中惊醒。
痛……
他喘着气，下意识按住心口，却按不住悲痛的情绪，失控地默声哭了起来。
身体止不住地颤抖着，泪水一滴接一滴滑过耳朵，跌落在枕头上。
他已经记不清这是第几次从梦里被这个儿时留下的黑暗记忆惊醒，每一次都叫他痛不欲生。
心脏的刺痛和紊乱的心律让他有些喘不过气，他吃力地摸索着摆在床头的药瓶。
含下一粒药丸，他靠着床边坐在地板上，缓缓深呼吸着调整心律。
他总是在想，活着还有什么意义呢？
不但害死了心爱的人，也没能在那天见到对他百般疼爱的奶奶最后一面。
两个不该死去的人都离开了，他这个罪人却还苟且地活在这世上，终日受尽罪恶感的折磨。
那些人总是羡慕他现在所有用的一切，说就算别人拼一辈子也许都得不到。
但对他来说，钱有什么用，既换不回他心爱女孩的命，也治不好奶奶的病，甚至是他的病。
他常常为了转移注意力沉浸在书海里，但考上了名校却又不能上。
这么说，好像成绩对他来说也没什么用。
对于这里所有的一切，除了学习，他唯一感兴趣的就只有窗外的那片海了。
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