那你把它炖了!
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晚上下了雨，第二天骤然降温。
家里阿姨每个礼拜只来两次，日常工作是打扫卫生，给江尧的冰箱囤好菜。所以一日三餐一般都是江尧自己动手。
早晨七点半，他已经做好早餐。进卧室拉开窗帘，郑羽还在熟睡，缩在被子里裹成一团，只露出脑袋尖。
“起来吃饭。”江尧扒拉着他的脑袋。
郑羽被搅了清梦，眉头瞬间皱成一团，闭眼不耐地嗯嗯，侧着脑袋又睡了。
江尧换好衣服回来见他还是原来的睡姿，根本不打算醒。江尧看了眼时间，边往床边走一边打着领带，走近后顺手抓起在一旁悠闲啃爪子的蛋挞，掀起被角把它塞了进去。
两秒后，人和猫的惊叫几乎同时响起，有严重幽闭恐惧症的蛋挞喵呜一嗓子嚎地惨绝人寰。郑羽差点被突然出现的毛茸茸的玩意儿吓疯，听见猫的尖嚎头皮都要吓炸了，整个人瞬间从床上弹坐起来，“啊啊啊！我操.....！”
惊慌失措的蛋挞慌不择路，爪子碾着郑羽裆部往外蹿，咻一声从他脑袋顶蹿跑了。郑羽捂着裆尖叫，“啊啊！挠着老子鸟儿了，破猫！老子今天要炖了你！”
某始作俑者这时候从衣帽间探出脑袋，装作关切地三连问：“喊什么呢，怎么了，做噩梦了？”
郑羽气得要死，对着江尧就是一顿差别攻击：“你个流氓养的猫也他妈是流氓！它钻我被窝，还他妈踹我鸟！”郑羽气哼哼扒拉开被子，拉开裤头查看自己的小弟弟，委屈巴巴地嘟囔，“都红了。”
江尧使劲儿憋着笑，走过去抱住他，“哎哟真红了，来，哥给揉揉。”
“揉屁啊，一会给揉硬了。”郑羽还在嘟嘟囔囔骂蛋挞，越骂越觉得踹鸟之仇不共戴天，“我也要踹它的鸟！”
江尧捉着脚腕给他脚掌心上药，随口回道：“它的鸟缩着呢，你看不到。”
“那我要踹它蛋。”
“他没蛋，”江尧略感遗憾地说，“早割了。”
郑羽倍感憋气，往床上一躺，大声嚷嚷着说，“那你把它炖了！”
江尧被他耍赖的模样逗笑了，抽了他屁股一记，“小气劲儿，不就踹了下鸟吗。”
郑羽抻着四肢扑腾，“是鸟的事儿吗，是尊严，尊严！你不小气，那裤子脱了让我踹一下。”
江尧把衣服扔他头上，哼笑着说，“那我真会把你炖了。”
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