38 唤醒龙的仪式
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一扇漆黑的门。
它静静地矗立在这儿，紧贴在我眼前，离我的鼻尖只有一滴冷汗的尺度。
我瞳孔骤缩。生理性恐惧席卷了我。
仿佛我站在天灾之下，仰望拍打珠穆朗玛的海啸，抬头时后颈咔擦咔擦地响。
但那远不是海啸，远不是那种能够用肉眼直视的凡尘俗物，我恍惚间以为看见了身披深渊的天神。
高大，宏伟，如擎天之柱般一眼望不到尽头，只能以人类有限的认知窥见祂顶入苍穹的雄壮身姿的一角。我的瞳孔缩成针尖，连魂灵也像是那些飞蛾扑火的光线，直愣愣地朝祂冲去，被祂捕获，被祂吞没。
祂居高临下地俯视我，那种黑洞似的吸力和引力，来自很高很高的地方，要把我带离这个世界，却又离我很近很近，只一眨眼就能抵达终点。
死亡注视我，祂的凝视近得仿佛祂伏下了身，我面颊的战栗感是祂的面纱抚过我面颊的证明，我甚至能隐约听见门后迷乱的喃语。
那喃语在我耳边回荡，幽幽地飘进我脑子里，是蛊惑，是诱引，是规劝，我听到人世间的苦难和灾厄，听到数鬼魂不甘的哀嚎，我听到有人告诉我，人活着就会受苦。
生即是罪，复活即是犯罪。
我该投身于死，走过魂灵长眠的圣殿，升入忧虑的欢愉之庭，至福乐土中有我一席之地。我会是冥府的明珠，天堂的皎月，神庭的宠儿，百合、玫瑰与长春花将开遍我走过的土地，仙子、精灵与圣天使将为我奏乐吟歌，我会永远快乐，再烦恼忧愁……
我脑子里划过数代指和意象，钻入我脑海中的圣言被我经受的教育和拥有的知识转化为我能理解的词句，浪潮般扑向我，要将我卷入海底。
我缓缓睁大了眼，眼前是乌沉沉的黑夜、深不见底的深渊、死的神祇诡谲的衣袍……
不。
我不能死！
我怎么能死，我不会给任何人机会，谁都别想占有他！谁都别想染指他！
不能觊觎他，不能窥伺他。任何人都不能夺走他，任何人都不能触碰他。
绝不允许，绝不容忍。
为此而阻拦我的，而挡在我面前的——
那是一瞬间的事情。
就像岩浆从火山通道中迸发的刹那，星球积蓄的能量从地上冲到天上。种芽破皮的那一秒，新生的锋锐撕开生死界限的襁褓……
——都该死！
我听到我的牙齿在打颤，我的魂灵违背我理性地战栗，因阶级、维度乃至概念的差距而不受控制地萎靡，但人是感性的动物，感性的优越就在于理性所不能控制，所以才有情难自禁。
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