第二十四章存在的意义
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沈听眠成了秦枝意名义上的秘书，领着一份和市场价不相上下的薪水，每天要做的却只有呆在办公室里看她批阅文件忙到抬不起头，顺带着在闲暇时满足一下老板的某种需求。
沈听眠可T会不到做金丝雀的乐趣，聊，并且很累。
她将单薄的身子整个蜷进沙发里，不言不语又一动不动，就愣愣地望着挂在墙面上那幅自己曾经的作品发呆，一连几日都是如此，秦枝意似乎终于看不下去了。
“你可以把画具带到这儿来。”
沈听眠眨了眨有些酸涩的眼睛，略显牵强地微微扯起唇角，尾指轻颤，她藏在腿侧的右手下意识攥紧，又脱力般松开，“不了。”
秦枝意在文件最后一页的末尾签上字，盖上笔帽，钢笔落在桌面的声音不算是响，却也不轻，就如同她的嗓音，不浓也不淡，“很久没瞧见你画画了。”
沈听眠没由来心头一颤，眸光闪烁着躲开了秦枝意的视线，清润微冷的声线悄悄染上几分落寞与彷徨，“没人会再喜欢我的画。”
其实沈听眠有些怕，因为秦枝意是先喜欢了她的画，倘若她再也法画出令秦枝意满意的作品，那么秦枝意还会选择将这段关系继续维持下去吗？
私心让她瞒下了自己或许再也法拿起画笔的事实。
就在这短短几天里，沈听眠忽然想明白了一些事，她确实喜Ai那双眼睛，可远不至于如此疯狂。
什么想将曲南梧和秦枝意的眼睛完完全全在画纸上留住，那都只是她用来自欺欺人的虚伪借口罢了，因为她众叛亲离，已经一所有了。
她越是什么都没有了，就越想证明自己存在的意义。
为此她甚至恬不知耻地同时停留在两个人身边，企图从曲南梧和秦枝意身上汲取温暖与Ai意，用她们对自己的需要来证明，看，沈听眠，总是有人不会离你而去的。
可从来都不是她们需要她，而是她需要她们。
论是秦枝意的温润细腻，还是曲南梧意味十足的侵略X，都是沈听眠法割舍的，秦枝意让她感受到原来自己也是会被温柔对待的，曲南梧让她在占有中清晰感知到了自己还拥有着鲜活的生命。
她只能卑微又可怜的从耳鬓厮磨时留下的汗水里找到自己不是一具空壳的证据，只有堪称疯狂的x1Ngsh1才能让她的心脏再度剧烈跳动起来。
说到底她也不过只是个迷失在世俗里的烂人。
自私又卑劣，失败又能。
她留不住任何美好，也不配得到任何美好。
或许不该称自己为独身主义，因为她只是个因害怕失去而停留在原地打转的懦弱小丑，从前是，现在更是。
“我喜欢。”
秦枝意的声音很轻，却也说得很认真，“阿眠，我喜欢你的画。”
沈听眠在自嘲，语气平静而又淡漠的自嘲，“我只是个弄虚作假的骗子，担不起谁的喜欢。”
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