第7章 裁决
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我在惴惴不安中度日如年，情绪也不稳定了，甚至上课的时候都会走神，我也知道这样不好，但是在这件事没有解决之前我怎么能安心下来？不知道等待我的到底是什么？有时候真的很希望这个案子就这样搁下去，那样我就这样过日子吧？也咨询过很多律师，都说问题不大，但是最终还是要看法院怎么裁决。我给自己不停的催眠，没事没事……
谁知道幻想就这样被打碎了，这天接到法院电话，说是要审判了，我的取保候审也要停止，要收监等开庭了！接完电话我的眼泪不由自主的流下来，我该如何面对？要收监了？意味着我要去牢里了，那我妈怎么办？我班的孩子怎么办？……一系列的问题在我的脑海里回旋！我该怎么跟校领导说？难道就这样消失吗？事情会不会闹的人尽皆知？
该来的总会来，我要在五日之内去看守所了！就剩下这几日了，我先去看了妈妈，再去舅舅家吃了顿饭，但我还是什么也没说，只是跟舅舅说我要离开一段时间，由于舅舅已经知道了我们三个人的关系，所以也没多想，只以为我出去散散心而已，我跟校领导打了辞职报告，安排好一切之后我去了刑侦大队，当天就安排我体检进了看守所。当我踏进看守所的大门，给我戴上手铐的那一刻，我精神恍惚了！脑子里一片空白，不知道过了几道手续才把我安排到一间房间，当我躺在硬板床上的时候，虽然心里难过，但却安心了，再也不用担心会不会被抓了，已经在这里了！
在看守所等待开庭的日子，我不和任何人讲话，饭也吃一点点，因为我的孤僻，也没有人欺负我，他们安排我做什么我就做什么，只是情绪上很低落，没事的时候就一个人坐在角落里发呆，一个月之内我就瘦了三十斤，因为我还没能接受这个事实。一个半月我开了一庭，因为没有请律师，法院给我请法援律师，律师也着重强调我不知情，希望能得到宽恕轻判！一庭没判下来，要再等半个月开二庭，才会知结果！我又暗天日的等待了半个月，开了二庭，裁决下来，因为我是从犯还不知情但涉及金额太大，判处有期徒刑三年！当法锤敲下时，我反而没有哭，因为眼泪已经早已流干了！判完回到监房时，她们都问我：“怎么样？判刑了吗？多久？”忽然就明白了她们为什么会只要有人开庭回来就问这样的问题，因为在这里面的女人们都只期盼着早点判下来，早点进监狱服刑，那样就能早点回家了！听完我的回答，她们都还挺羡慕的说：“还好，不重，也终于有时间了！快了，再等等就回去了，别担心了！早点去监狱服刑，表现好一点还能减减刑早日回家，不像我们已经在看守所待了好久还没判下来。”晚上躺在硬板床上，我就在想什么时候会送我去监狱，那里又是个怎么样的境地？会不会和这里一样，一间小小的房子，大家一起吃饭，一起洗澡，没有自由，或许还会被群起而攻之？但是这一切对于我来说已经不重要了，因为我知道我已然心死！只是混日子，我已经做了最坏的打算，大不了出狱的那一天就是我的死期，我已经没脸见人了！自尊心很强的我从内心深处是法接受的！
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